That’s what dad said, over and over and over and over again.

My brother finally convinced him that it would be best if he went to the ER. No help from the family doctor, except a “make an appointment”. In the ER, mom, my brother, and of course my dad, got to sit and wait for the diagnosis of essentially “it’s all in your addled head”. . .as far as they could tell, nothing physically wrong with him. Possibly, it’s a side affect of his Alzheimer’s medication. Perhaps change that one. Oh, and evidently there was a bloody man in the waiting room as well, so there’s that bit of “color” to add to this story.

I got the more desirable job of keeping my niece at my house so that my brother and his wife wouldn’t have to worry about getting her to school in the morning today (my sister-in-law has to leave early for work). My niece is five. LUCKILY, I had been to the library before picking her up and (I swear this was a God moment) they had “Moana” in the children’s DVD section. She had never seen it, and neither had I, so that was at least one of the enjoyable moments for the evening. However, I have one bed and a dog who is very particular about his side of said bed. Three of us had an interesting time of sleeping last night. She rolled, flopped, kicked, SNORED (stuffy nose, lol!), and in general kept me awake all night. Toby, my dog, was relegated to the foot of the bed, but I allowed him the coverlet, bunched up in a snug little nest. The looks of utter betrayal he gave me. Broke my heart.

In the midst of all this, I’m trying to lose weight. I have a feeling that stress might eat away some of it, if I don’t gain it back from crappy food. After picking my niece up from school yesterday (and upon getting the phone call from mom of “don’t bring her out here right now, your dad’s lost it!”) I decided to take her to Chick-fil-a. For one, it’s air conditioned, and two, it has an indoor playground. Standing in line, mom calls again in panic, but I can’t hear her because of all the noise. I order a kids meal and some grilled nuggets for myself, park myself at a table where I can see my niece in the play area and proceed to make a very difficult call back to mom. Difficult because I can’t hear her, and she can’t be any louder because my dad is in her room listening to her. No new information, just “he’s still hearing crickets and threatening to kill himself”. Then mom’s best friend calls, offers to take my niece for the afternoon so that I can go to my parents’ home and try to diffuse the situation.

Diffuse? More like answer the same question of “I’m going to kill myself and you don’t care, do you?”

“Yes dad, I care. We’re trying to work out how to help you.”

“Well, you’ve got one day to get rid of these crickets. If you don’t, I’m going to kill myself. Did you hear me?”

“Yes, dad, I heard you.”

“You don’t care do you? You don’t care if I kill myself”

“Yes, dad, I care. We’re trying to work out how to help you.”

And on and on and on it goes.

So many spirals. So so many entangling, confusing, disorienting, frustrating spirals.

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